ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month.
The call took 94 minutes. You break even in 2031. They put it back up in 2027.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Ghostlighting is when someone disappears for eight weeks and comes back with "you've been…
- Wisdom comes with age. So does standing on the landing with no idea why…
- You said "that's so me" about a horoscope. It also described 600 million other…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
- You're not getting older. You're getting closer. That's worse.
- You have a "5-year plan". It's a Pinterest board. It's mostly kitchens.
- Your banking app pauses slightly before opening. It's deciding how to tell you.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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