ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Beach body ready?
The beach has been ready for four billion years. It isn't waiting for you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You say "it's not that deep" a lot. Your Notes app has 300 entries…
- You pre-ordered it for the cape. The cape is now £3.99 for everyone else.
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
- Your fitness app's AI coach called a four-minute walk "incredible progress". It said the…
- You said you'd "touch grass" this weekend. You took a photo of grass, posted…
- Your Candy Crush streak is on day 212. The game hasn't been fun since…
- You rage quit because the game was rigged. You were also just bad. Both…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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