ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You film "Sunday reset" videos.
By Tuesday your room has reset itself, to Saturday.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- The spark never fades. It gets downgraded to bin bags, then to a joint…
- You don't skip leg day. You skip every day. The legs know. The legs…
- You typed "speak to an agent" nine times. The bot sent you a help…
- You don't have a type. You have a pattern. Your friends have a group…
- Ghostlighting is when someone disappears for eight weeks and comes back with "you've been…
- You can't take money with you when you go. Your direct debits, however, will…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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