ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The battle pass costs £9.99 a season.
Your childhood cost nothing and had better rewards.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month. The call took 94…
- Consistency is key. You've said "I'll go tomorrow" for three years. It's the only…
- You "romanticise studying". You've filmed it, lit it and soundtracked it. You haven't studied.
- The update is 200GB. Your free afternoon was smaller.
- The spark never fades. It gets downgraded to bin bags, then to a joint…
- They'll hold a minute's silence for you at the all-hands. It will be the…
- You quit your job to "find yourself". Found you. You're on your parents' sofa,…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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