ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Dating apps let you meet hundreds of people.
All of them are "just seeing where it goes". It goes nowhere. It went nowhere with you twice.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- You said "that's so me" about a horoscope. It also described 600 million other…
- Mistakes were made. The Notes app has never once said by whom.
- When life gives you lemons, it sends the invoice later. With interest.
- You're "so random". You've told the same "so random" story at every party since…
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
- Mondays aren't so bad. They're just Sundays that opened their bank statement.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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