ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Beach body ready?
The beach has been ready for four billion years. It isn't waiting for you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You deleted the app "for good". That was 40 minutes ago. You've reinstalled it…
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- "Let's take this offline" means "let's never speak of this again." That's also the…
- Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. Your overdraft found it first.…
- Things will look better in the morning. No. They'll just be better lit.
- You said "my For You page knows me so well". It knows you're awake…
- Some people run marathons. You run late, and you still come last.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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