ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Beach body ready?
The beach has been ready for four billion years. It isn't waiting for you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The best time to start saving was twenty years ago. The second-best time was…
- Inside every older person is a younger person. The younger person is furious about…
- You "love deeply". Mostly a fictional man who doesn't know you exist. Neither do…
- You went "no contact" with your ex. You still check their Spotify. They're listening…
- You "work best under pressure". You don't. You just only work under pressure.
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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