ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You're "chronically online".
Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have a loading icon.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You've been "circling back" since March. At this point you're space debris.
- You "love deeply". Mostly a fictional man who doesn't know you exist. Neither do…
- The light at the end of the tunnel is someone asking, "Can you see…
- Your step counter used to set goals. Now it just sends "Hello?" like a…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
- Your fitness journey started on the second of January. It ended on the fourth.…
- He vanished for five months, then texted "haha so true" like he'd just popped…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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