ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You're "chronically online".
Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have a loading icon.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
- You said you're "booked and busy". Booked for a dentist you'll cancel. Busy rewatching…
- You call yourself "a bit of a foodie". You've ordered the same chicken 64…
- You said you're "so busy" this week. Your screen time says eleven hours a…
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
- Your boss hasn't taken a sick day in ten years. He has, however, given…
- "Per my last email" is the closest you'll ever get to a duel. You'll…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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