ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you.
It's not proud. It's given up. Even the bird has moved on.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Your teenager isn't ignoring everyone. Just you. You're saved in their phone as "Do…
- Youth is wasted on the young. You wasted yours too. Old age is next,…
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
- Kids grow up so fast. Except between 5pm and bedtime, when time stops and…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
- Your birthday cake now needs a risk assessment. The candles are outnumbering the years…
- Good things come to those who wait. You waited so long they went to…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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