ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your birthday cake now needs a risk assessment.
The candles are outnumbering the years you've got left.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
- The award show ran four hours. The only winner was the advert break.
- You said "my For You page knows me so well". It knows you're awake…
- A tidy playroom lasts exactly as long as it takes to photograph. The photo…
- Early access means you paid to watch someone not finish something. You do that…
- Don't settle. Your standards already have. They didn't tell you.
- You'll never get on the property ladder. The only plot you'll ever own is…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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