ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
ARCHIVED DEMOTIVATION
FRIDAY, 15 AUGUST 1997
Wisdom comes with age.
So does standing on the landing with no idea why you came upstairs, or exist.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You're "so random". You've told the same "so random" story at every party since…
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
- You deleted the app "for good". That was 40 minutes ago. You've reinstalled it…
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- You're "taking a social media break". You announced it on social media. Twice. With…
- Every relationship has a honeymoon period. Yours was the walk from the bar to…
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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