ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The weekend is two days long.
Monday is nine emotional days long, and you're paid for one.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You sent "lol" to avoid having feelings. It worked. You feel nothing, said nothing,…
- Synergy is two departments confused about the same thing at once. They'll merge. You'll…
- You're "taking a social media break". You announced it on social media. Twice. With…
- Your thirties are your twenties with consequences. The hangover lasts until Wednesday and reports…
- Every great company started in a garage. Yours will end there too. The car's…
- "It's just a phase" is a phrase you'll say for eighteen years. You're the…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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