ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Beach body ready?
The beach has been ready for four billion years. It isn't waiting for you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Sleep when the baby sleeps. Also pay the mortgage when the baby pays the…
- Mondays aren't so bad. They're just Sundays that opened their bank statement.
- You got a houseplant to "take care of something". It died. Even the plant…
- Growing old is mandatory. Growing up was optional. You ticked "later". This is later.…
- A budget is a list of things you're about to do anyway. Written down…
- Quality family time: everyone on a different screen in the same room, harvested by…
- Coffee doesn't fix Monday. It just makes sure you're fully conscious for it.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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