ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your 5am routine went viral.
You did it once, filmed it, and have slept until 11 every day since. The algorithm doesn't know. Your landlord does.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You sent "lol" to avoid having feelings. It worked. You feel nothing, said nothing,…
- Your inbox reached zero once. The server was down. You were briefly free and…
- You "don't do small talk". You also don't do big talk, phone calls, emails…
- Your boss hasn't taken a sick day in ten years. He has, however, given…
- You reinstalled Pokémon Go to get your steps up. Eleven kilometres later you'd caught…
- You've been "about to start the gym" since January. It's October. The gym has…
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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