ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month.
The call took 94 minutes. You break even in 2031. They put it back up in 2027.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You're "on a gap year". It's your third.
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
- Your financial advisor is a spreadsheet you opened once in January. It's been screaming…
- You have a "comfort show". You've watched it 11 times. You've seen your friends…
- You moneymaxxed so hard this month you earned $4.80 in cashback. It cost three…
- You have a "5-year plan". It's a Pinterest board. It's mostly kitchens.
- Your call is important to us. Not important enough to answer, but important.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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