ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You moneymaxxed so hard this month you earned $4.80 in cashback.
It cost three new cards and a Sunday. You get roughly 4,000 Sundays. That was one.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Children are a blessing. They're also why the remote is in the bin and…
- Every birthday is a gift. The gift is one fewer birthday.
- Everyone's bringing back the dog filter. Your face has been doing the droopy-ears look…
- Both parties say this is the most important election of your lifetime. They said…
- The light at the end of the tunnel is someone asking, "Can you see…
- Work smarter, not harder. You've chosen neither, and HR has a folder.
- You said "this is my year". You've said it since 2019. The years have…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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