ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The return to office is completely optional.
So was the badge-swipe leaderboard, and yet there you are, ranked 41st. They're "reviewing" 41st.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Consistency is key. You've said "I'll go tomorrow" for three years. It's the only…
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
- Children are a blessing. They're also why the remote is in the bin and…
- You're "so random". You've told the same "so random" story at every party since…
- A good night out now means home by ten. Nobody had to come and…
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- "It's only Monday" is the most threatening sentence in English. It will be only…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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