ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad.
The news is still bad. Your eyes are warmer. So is your overdraft.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Monday is a perfectly normal day. You've got about two thousand more of them.…
- Both sides declared victory. The only clear loser was your Tuesday evening.
- You have 47 tabs open. Three are jobs you'll never apply for, one's a…
- Your back now goes out when you sneeze. It goes out more than you…
- Your Duolingo owl has stopped threatening you. It's not proud. It's given up. Even…
- Micro-dating is a thirty-minute coffee to see if there's a spark. There wasn't. She…
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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