ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
“Too close to call” means nobody knows.
It is said by people paid a lot to know.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You say you're "an old soul". You're 21. The only old thing about you…
- You've "found your aesthetic". It's beige. It's always beige.
- Teamwork makes the dream work. It also means six people are ready to blame…
- Parenting is ten percent love and ninety percent asking where the other shoe is.…
- Your squad misses you, says the notification. Your squad is four strangers and a…
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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