ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Your 5am routine went viral.
You did it once, filmed it, and have slept until 11 every day since. The algorithm doesn't know. Your landlord does.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Micro-dating is a thirty-minute coffee to see if there's a spark. There wasn't. She…
- The loot box has a 0.5% chance of something good. The studio has a…
- The weekend is two days long. Monday is nine emotional days long, and you're…
- You call your mum "for advice". You call her for the Netflix password.
- Your soulmate is out there. Currently leaving someone better on read.
- The customer is always right. The customer is also on hold, forever, which is…
- Growing old is mandatory. Growing up was optional. You ticked "later". This is later.…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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