ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The return to office is completely optional.
So was the badge-swipe leaderboard, and yet there you are, ranked 41st. They're "reviewing" 41st.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The award show ran four hours. The only winner was the advert break.
- You don't skip leg day. You skip every day. The legs know. The legs…
- Your call is important to us. Not important enough to answer, but important.
- You've "found your aesthetic". It's beige. It's always beige.
- You did the Mannequin Challenge again for old times' sake. The standing still was…
- You received 40 fundraising texts today. Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
- Your soulmate is out there. Currently leaving someone better on read.
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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