ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Beach body ready?
The beach has been ready for four billion years. It isn't waiting for you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- The weekend is two days long. Monday is nine emotional days long, and you're…
- You went "no contact" with your ex. You still check their Spotify. They're listening…
- Think outside the box. The box had the budget. You're out here with a…
- There's someone out there for everyone. Yours married someone else in 2019. They look…
- Nobody notices when you do your job well. Everyone notices when you leave at…
- You received 40 fundraising texts today. Democracy needs $5 by midnight. Every midnight.
- You swore you'd never sound like your parents. You just said "because I said…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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