ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
There's someone out there for everyone.
Yours married someone else in 2019. They look happy.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You call it a "situationship" because "relationship" would mean someone has to commit to…
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- You started saying "oof" when you sit down. That's the countdown, out loud.
- You "romanticise studying". You've filmed it, lit it and soundtracked it. You haven't studied.
- Your step counter used to set goals. Now it just sends "Hello?" like a…
- Age is just a number. So is your cholesterol, and it's climbing faster than…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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