ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You left them on read "to be mysterious".
They didn't notice. They were also being mysterious. You're now two mysteries who will never speak again.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- Loud budgeting is telling everyone you can't afford brunch. Quiet budgeting is going anyway,…
- You've been "circling back" since March. At this point you're space debris.
- You're not getting older. You're getting closer. That's worse.
- You don't have a type. You have a pattern. Your friends have a group…
- Your gym membership is the most expensive guilt you've ever bought. It renews automatically.…
- Your company will send flowers to your funeral. They'll be charged to your department's…
- Nobody has ever said "thank goodness it's Monday". Except a manager, and he meant…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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