ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Being single means nobody steals your duvet.
It also means the duvet is the only witness to your life.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- You said "this is my year". You've said it since 2019. The years have…
- 2026 is the new 2016. Your knees did not get the memo. Your knees…
- You "can't do mornings". You also can't do afternoons, evenings or emails.
- The bins are now fortnightly. The council tax is still monthly.
- You said "we move". You've lived in the same bedroom since you were nine.
- Doom spending is buying a heated eye mask because the news was bad. The…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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