ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
You started saying "oof" when you sit down.
That's the countdown, out loud.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- 2026 is the new 2016. Your knees did not get the memo. Your knees…
- He vanished for five months, then texted "haha so true" like he'd just popped…
- You call yourself "a bit of a foodie". You've ordered the same chicken 64…
- You said "my For You page knows me so well". It knows you're awake…
- You're "in your villain era". You returned a lukewarm coffee and apologised four times.…
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
- You said you're "booked and busy". Booked for a dentist you'll cancel. Busy rewatching…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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