ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
The light at the end of the tunnel is someone asking, "Can you see my screen?"
You can. You always will.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You asked the chatbot if you were a good parent. It said "absolutely" before…
- Some people run marathons. You run late, and you still come last.
- You've "romanticised your life". It's a candle, a croissant and a playlist called "main…
- “Just one more game” of FIFA was the most dishonest sentence in the English…
- Your resting heart rate is excellent. It's had nothing else to do.
- You wanted a mini-me. You got a tiny negotiator who has never once lost…
- A tidy playroom lasts exactly as long as it takes to photograph. The photo…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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