ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Everyone's bringing back the dog filter.
Your face has been doing the droopy-ears look on its own since March, and it doesn't come off when you close the app.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You can do anything you set your mind to. Your mind has set itself…
- The battle pass costs £9.99 a season. Your childhood cost nothing and had better…
- Your teenager isn't ignoring everyone. Just you. You're saved in their phone as "Do…
- Your complaint has been escalated. It is now ignored by someone more senior.
- They say sweat is weakness leaving the body. Yours has decided to stay.
- Your out-of-office reply is the most confident thing you wrote all year. Nobody noticed…
- You're "chronically online". Chronic means long-term. You've been online so long your eyes have…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 446
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