ISSUED DAILY SINCE NOBODY ASKED
DAILY DEMOTIVATION
A fresh disappointment every morning. Like the news, but more honest.
Nothing says adulthood like being excited about a new kettle.
The kettle will outlast the excitement. Possibly you.
— Zack, unqualified
VERIFIEDUNHELPFUL
PREVIOUSLY, ON YOUR DECLINE
- You said "that's so me" about a horoscope. It also described 600 million other…
- They'll hold a minute's silence for you at the all-hands. It will be the…
- Lessons will be learned. By whom, and when, will also be learned. Eventually. Possibly.
- Abs are made in the kitchen. So are toasties. The toasties are undefeated.
- You're "so random". You've told the same "so random" story at every party since…
- Everyone's bringing back the dog filter. Your face has been doing the droopy-ears look…
- You negotiated your broadband bill down by $3 a month. The call took 94…
THE CALENDAR OF DESPAIR
Newsletter / Issue No. 445
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